


So a Gay Guy and a Straight Kid Walk Into a Closet...

by missusphantomhive



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Anal Fingering, Humanstuck, M/M, No Sex, bisexual!dave strider, closeted!dave strider, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missusphantomhive/pseuds/missusphantomhive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...And it turns out the straight kid is bi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So a Gay Guy and a Straight Kid Walk Into a Closet...

**Author's Note:**

> Quick warning for slight OOC behaviour, as this was not originally a JohnDave and the dialogue was never adapted!!
> 
> Also everyone is drunk so that's also a thing

"Okay, okay. John, your turn!" Terezi vocalized enthusiastically, a tricky smile playing on her lips. He cringed, momentarily wondering how he could have possibly gotten himself into this situation, but quickly remembering a certain specific Dad whom he had begged to be allowed to throw this stupid party. Of course, the bucktoothed boy hadn't expected a game of Spin the Bottle to come about.

"Jesus..." John muttered under his breath as he reluctantly took hold of the empty beer bottle that rested on the floor before him. The raven-haired boy twisted his wrist back a little, before quickly spinning it the other way, causing the glass bottle to quickly spin around in circles. He eyed it anxiously, watching as it gradually came to a stop. When it finally did, he let his eyes slowly trail up to see who he was going to be stuck with in a tiny closet for seven minutes.

Karkat, Dave, Jade, Terezi, Rose. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

And the winner was...

Oh, _shit_.

 _David **Fucking** Strider_ , AKA, possibly the straightest guy on earth.

The others gasped and ooh'd at the way the blond simply raised an eyebrow at the bottle and stood up, wordlessly heading towards the closet. His heart leapt into his throat as he saw the usual calm and collected expression on Dave's face. He scrambled up from his spot on the floor, following the Texan into the small space and shutting the door behind him. They were immediately swallowed in pitch black, which was irreparable, as the closet lacked a lamp or other sort light source. John decided it was safe to talk when he heard conversation start back up outside.

"O-okay, so, first of all, how in the hell are you so calm?" He started, "Aren't you entirely straight? What are we going to do in here for the next seven minutes?" John asked question after question, almost relentlessly.

"Woah, woah, woah. Easy there, Speed Racer," Dave retorted, carefully starting to situate himself in the floor. He heard fabric rustling, assuming John was doing the same.

"Don't you 'easy there' me, Strider!" John argued, "You're the one who--"

"You talk too much. Let me help with that," Dave said smoothly, shifting so he was growing nearer to John.

"Wait, wha-?" He tried to ask, but his breath hitched in his throat as he realized that Dave had come close enough so that he could be vaguely seen, even in the darkness of the closet. He saw the curve of Dave's lips which were turned up in a smirk, the way his freckles contrasted against his pale skin in the strip of dim light which came from the narrow crack between the door and the dark, hardwood floor. He felt the slight puff of Dave's breathing and reveled in it.

"Come on, Egbert. You honestly thought that all _this_ ," he began, gesturing at himself, "was straight? You're funny." He gave a slight laugh, leaning in evermore closely to John, close enough so they could smell the alcohol on each other's breath. "I like funny."

"W-what?" John questioned, going beet red in the darkness of the room. Hell, if Dave couldn't see it, he would most likely feel the heat radiating off his face. "What are you talking about?"

"You can't be serious right now," Dave replied. "John, you're so.. _hot_. You should be glad I'm still in the closet because Jesus, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you. I barely can either way," he murmured, trying to go in for a kiss, when he was suddenly pushed back by the boy.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" John whispered, trying to keep his voice down as much as possible so the others wouldn't hear.

Back in the darkness, Dave simply sat, confused in his drunken state. He quirked one eyebrow, silenced for a moment before he asked another question.

"What do you mean by that?" He inquired, moving, slowly, back towards John.

"You aren't gay! You're the straightest man I've ever met! You hook up with just about every girl you meet!" John argued, attempting to back up against the door but failing, as his back was already pressed up against it in the cramped space. "A-and either way, you're just drunk. You don't really want any of this."

Dave froze, and when John heard the rustling sound cease, he sighed with relief. His relief was short-lived, though, when he heard Dave start to giggle.

"What are you laughing about?" John asked, dumbfounded.

"John.. have you ever heard of a bisexual?" He questioned, amused by the thought of that simply slipping the other man's mind. He began moving closer once more, speaking as he did so. "And I may be drunk, but I'm sober enough to know what I want. And right now, I want you."

"But why me? Why some weird kid with weird teeth and weird hair and weird--mmph!"

Dave hurriedly silenced John as he took the boy's mouth over with his own. He moved closer to him to actually make himself comfortable- he had to have leant forward a good two feet just to shut John up.

John, however, was still simply still. He was confused. Clearly he was making no effort to get Dave off of him, because he was certain he wanted it.  
So why didn't he just move?

He had been told by everyone (mostly Lalonde) that he needed to relax; that he'd had a stick up his ass lately and needed to get laid or something.  
Fuck, they were right.

He felt Dave began to back away from him, but he was not about to let the Texan get away. Not now. He finally pushed back against Dave's barely lingering lips, reaching up to wrap his arms around the blond's neck as Dave simultaneously reached around John's waist, pulling him closer until the boy sat comfortably in his lap. Neither of the two wasted any time in getting as close to one another as possible.

Dave's hand, which rested on the small of John's back, slowly began to travel downwards. As it reached the hem of John's shirt, he slipped it up through the bottom, lifting it at an achingly slow rate. A small, barely audible moan vibrated in John's throat, his hips rolling down along with it. Dave ripped away from the kiss, taking a heavy gasp for air as the two both began to forget that they were on a time limit.

\----------

"Their seven minutes are almost up," Rose inquired as she looked at the sterling silver watch that wrapped fittingly around her wrist, "Who's going to go get them out?"

"Why can't you?" Karkat questioned, quirking an eyebrow. "I don't know about you guys, but I am not risking opening that door to see Egbert fucking Texas Toast over there."

"Yeah, me neither!" Terezi exclaimed, putting her hand on Karkat's sweater-clad shoulder. "I'm with Karkat on this one."

"Well..." Rose drawled.

The group all turned slowly and, admittedly, creepily in sync, all looking towards Jade. The girl perked up immediately as the realisation set in of what they wanted her to do.

"M-me? Why me!?" She asked, trying to stay relatively quiet as a blush crept up on her cheeks.

"Because, Jade," Terezi reasoned, "We all called it first."

"But, Rose.. She didn't--"

"Seven minutes are up!" The blond girl interrupted, ushering the bashful Jade to the closet door before nearly sprinting away from her. She froze for a second, but quickly mustered up the courage when she realized that if she didn't open the door now, she might walk in on something /seriously/ bad.

"Uh.. guys...time's u--Oh god!"

\----------

"Oh god!" The two boys heard, ripping apart from each other instantaneously.

This wasn't good at all.

There was no mistaking what was going on in there when she opened the door. Sure, they weren't full on /fucking/, but Dave had his hand well shoved down the back of John's jeans, while John's hand was stuck down the front of Dave's.

The two of them went beet red as the rest of the party goers gathered behind Jade, who was frozen in place, her eyes wide open from sheer terror.

"I-we--" Dave stammered, trying to figure out a way to soften the blow of what was happening. After all, this was a rather... unorthodox, way to come out. John simply scooted away from the blond, glad that the main focus wasn't on him.

"I'm not surprised."

"Rose!"


End file.
